He just seems like the kind of font that would constantly be pushing his glasses back up his nose…and lisping about how he used to love doing “Picture Pages” with Bill Cosby…all the while arranging his Dungeons and Dragons commemorative keepsake cups from Burger King. A class-A doofus, essentially.

In the process of drawing today’s strip, I went through about half a dozen potential sketches of what Comics Sans personified should look like. Mainly, I tried anthropomorphizing the font itself. But a bent and twisted font — especially when hand-drawn — quickly becomes something that looks entirely unlike itself.

So, finally, I just decided that a white, square scrap of paper — with the font name written on it — would have to do. There are times when the simplest of simple character designs are not just the better solution — they’re the only solution. Giving a font anthropomorphized looks, and still maintaining its inherent “fontness”, is perhaps beyond its original design specifications. “Times New Roman” wasn’t designed to wave its anthropomorphized hands around.

Much to my chagrin.

I’ll be in NYC next week for a one-week run of “Skirts & Flirts” — the sold-out play that I did in Los Angeles. The play is very, very funny and heartwarming — and I ended up with a great part, so do come out:

PLACE: The Kraine Theatre (85 East 4th St., 10003)

SHOWTIMES: May 16, 17, 18 @ 8PM; and May 19 @ 2PM & 8PM

PRICE: Cheap! Just 18 smackers…which is pretty much the price of a street-vendor hot dog in NYC these days.

TICKETS: Available at the door, but I’d recommend picking up advance tickets *here*, as some shows are goin’ fast.

CAST: Cobie Smulders, Nadine Velazquez, Joe Manganiello, Scarlett Lam, Drew Powell, Matt Carmody, David Scales, Maya Parish, Lara Wickes, Tressa di Figlia, Kate Micucci, and Gloria Calderon Kellett.

Here’s a pic of the cast, proving that I am the least attractive person involved. (This shot came out looking like a Beveryly Hills 90210 promo shot, didn’t it?)

Scott and Kris are two of my favorite cartoonists, and it was great to see how they worked in their shared toonin’ studio, Halfpixel.

Cartooning is a wonderful, wonderful job, but a lot of it is spent in comparative isolation. Long days alone…that sort of thing. So getting the chance to work side-by-side with these two was really fun.

Scott always jokes in a Texas accent, “Come to Texas — we’ll treat you right.” And they certainly did at the CAPE event on Friday. So a hearty thanks also goes out to the folks at Zeus Comics for hosting.

Sheldon readers came from as far as Austin and Mexico, which was awesome. And, this being the first “outdoor tent” comics event that I’ve attended, I was pleasantly surprised to see 3 or 4 Sheldon readers even bring their pugs out. But a huge thanks to everyone that came out — including a lot of Sheldon Forum posters — it was great meeting all of you!

Do you think, when the Visigoths stormed Rome in 410 AD, the onlooking Romans knew they were witnessing the beginning of the end of their Empire?

That’s how I feel when I hear the Black Eyed Peas sing that song.

This Saturday, the good folks at CAPE have invited me down for their Dallas-based comics extravaganza. I’ll be signing and selling books, giving out sketches, and handing out high-fives like they were going out of style. It’ll be good times.

The event is 10-6, and I’ll be there all day — so come on out and say hi. Here are the directions.

Original Sheldon comic strip art will be available for $25 off the normal price, as well — so if you’ve had your eye on a particular piece, drop me a line to make sure I bring it along.

See you in Dallas!

You know what this means, don’t you? Prepare to receive a live chicken with every order from the the Sheldon store.

Clucking.

This being Los Angeles, I ignored it at first. If you’ve ever lived in a large metropolis, you know it’s best to play the deaf card when first hearing odd noises..

But the clucking continued. And more clucking joined it. It was a chorus of clucking.

And I turned around to see not one, not two, but 20 chickens — all, apparently, about to be MAILED.

So let me ask: am I the only one in the world that didn’t know you could mail livestock through the US Postal Service? Because, let me tell you…now that I know that it’s possible…everyone in my life is getting a live Christmas Chicken mailed to them this year.

Their internal monologue breaks down roughly like this:

“I’m swimming! I’m swimming! I’m having fun! Wait, no, I’m drowning! I’m drowning! Oh God, why me? Why… No, no…I’m staying afloat! I’m swimming! Huzzah! Wait…oh Lord he’p me…I’m drowning…“

In mid-May, I take off my cartooning hat and put on my acting hat…travelling to New York for a special one-week run of my wife’s play “Skirts & Flirts” at The Kraine Theatre (85 East 4th St., 10003). If you remember, “Skirts & Flirts” was the 13-person monologue show with the sold-out Los Angeles run. It’s a really enjoyable night o’ comedy — and I get a great turn onstage with a monologue as a beleagured groom. And of course, getting the chance to do it on the New York stage will be especially awesome…so if you can make it out, I hope you’ll come.

Showtimes are: May 16, 17, 18 @ 8PM; and May 19 @ 2PM & 8PM

The cast, as these IMDB links make clear, is pretty awesome– sauce. (In fact, I just now realized that I’m the only cast member WITHOUT an IMDB listing. I should fake one and say I was on “Walker, Texas Ranger”.)

Tickets are available at the door, but the LA shows tended to go pretty quickly — so I’d recommend picking up tickets early.

Also! There’s a good chance of a meet ‘n greet book-signing while I’m in New York — I’ll let you know as the schedule solidifies.

Since my goal with Sheldon is to bring a little joy into the world, I’m always looking for new ways to make the site more enjoyable overall. So both of these bits of news are nice little additions.

The satisfaction guarantee is simple: it allows you to return any order you’re not satisfied with for a full refund on the purchase price and original shipping. As a small, independent store, this is a hefty pledge to make, but I feel pretty good about it. I’ve seen thousands of folks come away happy with their Sheldon stuff. And your e-mails tell me we’re getting it right with quality and customer service and all that jazz. But in the odd chance that you’re not satisfied, the refund guarantee is there for you. Take a sec to read more about it at the Sheldon Store.

The Pay-By-Check option is another new wrinkle for the store. It lets you pay with a mailed check drawn on any US bank. That means you can now pay by check, e-check, Paypal, or by major credit card — which covers all the bases, I think!

As always, if you have comments or suggestions on the site or on these new tidbits, just drop me a line. I’d love to hear your thoughts on the additions.