I should’ve mentioned it when it happened, but all copies of “A Well Balanced Meal” are now sold out. My apologies if you weren’t able to get yourself a copy…I tried to give fair warning.
On that note: copies are still available for “The Good, The Bad & The Pugly” and “Pure Ducky Goodness”, over at the store.
Forgive today’s strip, if you would. It’s a pretty random poetry reference to Robert Burns….I know.
But I’ve always found it funny how, when you put the words “Scottish” and “poetry” together, it’s pretty much just Robbie Burns and….well, Robbie Burns.
Apparently, the Scots live by “The Highlander” credo of “There Can Be Only One”. Because outside of Burns, there are no other poets. Or, at least, none that spring to mind. You’re pretty much left with the two guys that wrote that song “I Would Walk 500 Miles”.
But I do secretly dig Robert Burns. And because I feel guilty for besmirching the name of the great Scottish nation, today I’ll share with you my favorite Burns poem, “To A Mouse”. He wrote it when he ploughed through a field mouse’s nest, and startled the little creature:
(Note: It reads a little tricky at first, until you assume the “Scottish poetry position”, which I just invented. Crouch forward ever-so-slightly, and stick an elbow out. You’ll find Scottish English much easier to read.)
Wee, sleekit, cow’rin’, tim’rous beastie,
O what a panic’s in thy breastie!
Thou need na start awa sae hasty,
Wi’ bickerin’ brattle!
I wad be laith to rin an’ chase thee
Wi’ murd’rin’ pattle!
I’m truly sorry man’s dominion
Has broken Nature’s social union,
An’ justifies that ill opinion
Which makes thee startle
At me, thy poor earth-born companion,
An’ fellow-mortal!
I doubt na, whiles, but thou may thieve:
What then? poor beastie, thou maun live!
A daimen-icker in a thrave
‘S a sma’ request:
I’ll get a blessin’ wi’ the lave,
An’ never miss’t!
Thy wee bit housie, too, in ruin!
Its silly wa’s the win’s are strewin’;
An’ naething, now, to big a new ane,
O’ foggage green!
An’ bleak December’s winds ensuin’,
Baith snell an’ keen!
Thou saw the fields laid bare an’ waste,
An’ weary winter comin’ fast,
An’ cozie here, beneath the blast,
Thou thought to dwell—
Till, crash! the cruel coulter past
Out thro’ thy cell.
That wee bit heap o’ leaves an’ stibble
Has cost thee mony a weary nibble!
Now thou’s turn’d out, for a’ thy trouble,
But house or hald,
To thole the winter’s sleety dribble
An’ cranreuch cauld!
But, Mousie, thou art no thy lane
In proving foresight may be vain:
The best-laid schemes o’ mice an’ men
Gang aft agley,
An’ lea’e us nought but grief an’ pain,
For promised joy.
Still thou art blest, compar’d wi’ me!
The present only toucheth thee:
But, och! I backward cast my e’e
On prospects drear!
An’ forward, tho’ I canna see
I guess an’ fear!
(My favorite part? He rhymed “BEASTIE” with “BREASTIE”. Ahh, Scotland.)
After three printings of the book “A Well Balanced Meal”, I’m surprised to report that there are just 37 copies left. Which is significant, because after three print-runs of this book, these are the last of the last. This book will never again be reprinted.
The book collection is the “best of” my college strip “Four Food Groups of the Apocalypse”, and features the first appearance of Sheldon as a ten-year old genius.
In any case, I thought it would be best to announce the limited quantities, in case you were interested in picking one up.
This never used to happen in my old neighborhood…but when my wife and I moved house about three years ago, we unknowingly moved into the KINDEST NEIGHBORHOOD IN THE WORLD.
And now, every Christmas, we are deluged with home-baked snacks and Christmas pies. To an unbelievable degree, though: it’s like they’re busing in people from other neighborhoods, miles away, just to give us Christmas sugar cookies. I don’t know where they all come from.
And after a while, our pre-prepared plates of goodies are gone, and I’m left with this sample dialogue:
Suzette (a “neighbor” from ten blocks down): HI! Just wanted to give you a little something and say Merry Christmas!
Me: Wow. That looks amazing. What is that?
Suzette: Well, there are some cookies on there, some rum cakes, and a pan-seared Bolivian Christmas souffle made with ostrich eggs.
Me: Um, wow. Have we even met before?
Suzette: Not that I’m aware. Merry Christmas!
Me: Hold on….let me…um…get your gift.
[Uncomfortably long rustling behind a half-closed door]
Me: Here you go! Nutter-Butters! Now they’re, um, made with real peanut butter! Apparently.
Suzette (not mad at all): Wow! Merry Christmas!
…so to Suzette, and the 47 other neighbors I disappointed today, let me say a genuine “Merry Christmas”!
And now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a Bolivian souffle to eat.
If you’ve signed up for the e-mail delivery of Sheldon, and the system still isn’t sending you the daily strip, please drop me a line and I can get things workin’ for ya. There seems to be somewhere between a few dozen and a few hundred folks who are still having troubles…but the good news is, I can fix it lickety split.
Just drop me a line.
You may have heard me talk about my friend Brad Guigar’s strip, “Evil, Inc.” I’m a big fan of the strip, and love Brad’s hilarious take on the superhero/supervillain genre.
Well good news has come to the strip: Diamond will begin offering the Evil, Inc. books to comics book stores in the US and around the world.
Evil Inc Annual Report, Vol 1 is the first offering, appearing in the January issue of Previews, which hits comic shops and bookstores this Friday, Dec. 22. It’s right there on page 281, item code: JAN073651.
But here’s the thing: since the comic book business (like the comic strip business) has taken such a beating in recent years, Diamond now needs to see immediate and sustained success from a new offering, in order to keep carrying it.
So the next time you’re in your comic shop or bookstore, please ask for the Evil Inc Annual Report, Vol 1 by name, and ask that they carry it. You’d be doing a talented cartoonist, and a hilarious strip, a good turn…and you’d be picking up a great read that I highly recommend.
Thanks!
If you haven’t read it, last year’s Christmas storyline was one of my favorites. So if you’re new to the strip, I might humbly suggest you give it a try.
Also: now that the rush of Christmas orders has passed, I’d like to say “thank you” to everyone who voted with their wallets and got Sheldon books and original art for themselves or their loved ones. You’re directly supporting the strip you enjoy — and that support means a lot to me.
I’ve received so many cool e-mails from folks who are enjoying their just-arrived stuff, and let me tell you, there is no greater feeling as a cartoonist. Orders came in from Japan, Sweden, France, Austria, Australia, Ireland, New Zealand, Germany, Denmark, Spain, 10,000 people in Sussex, England, and a heapin’ helpin’ of Canucks and Americans. All of these different folks from around the world have ensured that Sheldon can continue it’s new life online.
It’s a gift that I don’t take lightly…and I thank you for it.
So much exposition in today’s strip…all to make a joke about flounders not gettin’ any.
If you’ve never caught a flounder before, you must do yourself a favor and do a Google image search. It really is the ugliest fish in the world.
If you were hoping to have your Sheldon books by Christmas, here’s your last chance: you have until Saturday to order your books for Christmas delivery. We’ll still be accepting orders and shipping after that, of course, but Saturday is your last big chance to get one under the tree.
Lots of folks have been praising the new book, especially. In e-mails, forum posts, in the press and in famous encounters.
So please don’t wait until Dec. 24th and wish you had snagged a copy…as that will just bum us both out. Snag yours now.
NOTE: Make sure you order using Priority Mail, as Media Mail won’t make it in time.
Today’s strip is up on the site late: a situation for which I genuinely apologize.
Computer problems, alas, have descended on the Kellett house since my San Fran trip. And like the tasks of Hercules, each of these computer problems seems to be trickier than the last. To even get today’s strip up involved a flash-memory drive, a borrowed laptop, a car, and a friendly neighbor who left their wi-fi network open. Good times!
I’m imagining my next computer task already: it will involve a 1993 Tandy computer with a cracked VGA screen, a dial-up 28K modem, a llama, and six pints of egg nog. I anticipate the challenge!
